I think I screamed.On the way home, behind the wheel of an unfamiliar car, I tried to scream again. To recapture the panic, the helplessness, the disbelief. But I couldn’t get it quite right.
I can still feel that lurching swing of the car. Still feel that waiting. For the End. Whatever that End may be. An end to the spinning. Or an end to my life. Whichever came first or simultaneously. Too familiar.
Two calls for help, one more obvious than the other. But sometimes help can be no good. Sometimes help takes 30 minutes to arrive in the driving rain. Sometimes help affixes blame and a citation. Sometimes help doesn’t arrive at all, uninvited.
I drag my feet through the mud. The trooper says sorry without meaning it. The snake under my car latches onto the tow truck driver; he goes to the hospital.
Are you OK? Are you OK? ARE YOU OK? Everyone keeps asking, Are you OK? Nod and smile and die inside.
At the liquor store, the wet, blackened edges of my khaki slacks mop the floor.
I remember the way the heavy tyre tracks looked in the grass. I remember the traffic that kept going. I would have kept on going too.
5 comments:
Stay alive, please. Living is what you do so very well.
I know that feeling. I was in my first accident a few years ago, and I remember the skaking after the event and the shock of "did that really just happen."
"Nod and smile and die inside."
Love your words, Cuzo. Thank God you are alright.
Ehav: This was my second along that road. The first was much worse, though. It's an awful feeling.
Glad ur ok Kari! Please take care!
Post a Comment